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11 Crucial Questions Questions to Ask Your Child to Teach them Self-Reflection

As this year is coming to an end, I find myself self-reflecting and wondering how this year has gone by so fast! I am begining to think on what can I do to improve myself, my family, and career next year. Self-reflections is an essential way to find out why you think, say, and do the things you do. As a result, you are more likely to be more self-aware and understand your driving factors behind your choices and decisions. I have found using self-reflection to be very useful with not only myself, but also my children.

It's can be hard to teach our children how to self-reflect. With our busy schedules, it may be difficult to find time to talk to our kids about their strengths and weaknesses, their drives and personalities, their habits and values. Not to mention, when personal feedback is presented to us, we're not always open to it because honest feedback isn't always flattering, but it doesn't have to be that way! Self-reflection can be great way to learn how to evaluate your heart and actions in a safe space.

The honest truth is, if we as parents don't practice self-reflecting in our households or even at work, consequently, many of us will not discuss self-reflection with our kids. Teaching this life skill to our children will help them know how to be aware of their actions and that self-reflection can a positive experience.

Self- reflecting can change your child's life in positive ways, like helping them improve results at school, create more happiness in their life, and help them expand their goals and dreams. Self-reflection leads to greater success.

"Self-reflection requires that you question your assumptions and habits and ask whether they are useful in dealing with the world around you."

Daniel Dobrygowski - Global Leadership Fellow at the World Economic Forum

As parents, we can help our children self-reflect when negative things occur like bad test grades, fights, or even temper tantrums. Here are some self-reflection questions to ask when your child has done something that requires reflection:

  • Ask your child in a non-judgmental tone, "What happened? How did it happen? How do you feel about what happened? What was your part in this problem? Why do you think you did that? Was it helpful? What is one thing you could do differently next time?"

  • Since most children "misbehave" because they have an unmet need (to be heard, to be understood, to be watched, etc.) a great question to ask is, "What do you need?" This can be a very eye-opening question. Teach them to be able to recognize and express their needs and desires. Ask questions about their body, "How does your body feel when _____happens? What does your body need?" Or even, "How does your heart feel when ______ happens?"

Questions like these help your child discover who they are and give them an internal locus of control. A child who learns with an internal locus of control believes that it is their behavior and attitudes that leads to their outcomes, whereas a child with an external locus of control believes that other factors determine what happens to them.

Teach them to learn to love feedback, correction, and criticism. Children can actually learn to love correction especially if we don't make them feel bad or wrong about the behavior. Threats and punishment also prohibit self-reflection.

Warning: If your child is unwilling to self-reflect, check your tone of voice to make sure you are being curious and accepting and not judgmental. Parenting Practice: During a time a quiet time when there are no conflicts, ask your child some questions from the Self-Discovery Worksheet. Click here for the 11 Crucial Questions to Ask Your Child that will develop a resilient mindset for your child.


Parenting can be quite the challenge. It is always good to have new tools in your "parenting tool box." Want personal coaching and problem solving solutions? Sign up for a FREE 15 Minute Strategy Session. We will pinpoint an irksome behavior and plan a strategy for resolving this issue.


If this message today spoke to you today, share with me or your friends how it affected you and comment on our social media!

Kathryn Kvols

Author, Lecturer, Parenting Coach

(352) 494-1581

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