“Mom, pleasssse don’t send me to that camp!” Did you hear this from your child last summer after you told her she was going to band camp her fifth year in a row? Would you like your child excited about going to camp this year? 

Here’s how. One of the best ways to have your child enjoy her camp experience is to have her help you to chose it. “NO WAY!” you might protest. “She’ll pick the most expensive extreme camp she can.” There is a solution. Pick out your favorite five possibilities and let her choose from one of your top five. 

When a child has a voice in the decision-making, they feel more powerful. This is the reason why it so important to get her input on the camp experience. Children are less likely to rebel against the decision when they feel like their input is valued and respected. 

Feel like flexing your courage muscles? Let your child pick the camp that she wants to go to. Negotiate around areas you don’t agree on. For example, if the camp is too expensive, tell her how much you are willing to spend and ask how she could come up with the balance. Brainstorm with your child on ways that she could earn the money she needs. Perhaps she could baby-sit, mow lawns or sell her artwork. When children participate in the financial aspect, they feel more ownership of the decision. This also allows them to learn responsibility, the value of money and how to save. 

What do you do if you disagree on camps? A wonderful phrase to promote agreement is, “That is a great solution for how you can win. I want you to win. How can we work this out so I can win, too?” Then keep negotiating until you are both happy with the solution. If one of you is unhappy with the solution, usually that person will find some way to sabotage the solution. Make sure that no one gives in. This may take some time and patience on your part, however, you are modeling negotiation for your child and imparting a precious skill she will use for a lifetime. 

Beware of the common pitfalls. One of the best ways to kill a good brainstorming session is to be judgmental, critical or need to have it your way. Often we think we are being supportive of our children when our tone of voice conveys that what we really think is: “We know what is best for our child.” 

But what if you disapprove of your child’s choice? It is important we not only accept our child differences but it is also important that we celebrate them. (Of course, this is within reason. We must ensure the child does not put herself in jeopardy.) When a child feels like she is being celebrated for who she is, it gives her freedom to fully explore all of her avenues. Criticism, judgment and control either get a reaction of rebellion or overpleasing. Think about this for a moment. How do you react when you are around people who are critical, judgmental, and controlling? How do you react around people who celebrate who you are and really want what is best for you? 

Giving children choices and teaching win-win negotiation are wonderful methods to use to win your child’s cooperation. You may be thinking you are just making a simple decision about what camp to send your child to this year when in reality you are empowering your child and giving her tools that will help her navigate through life successfully. Try out these recommendations and just maybe, she will thank you for sending her to camp this year! 

Kathryn Kvols is the author of the best selling book and parenting course, "Redirecting Children's Behavior." She is an international speaker and the president of the International Network for Children and Families. She can be reached at 352 375-6498 or you can view other helpful articles at website at www.redirectingbehavior.com.